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SimonSawSomethingSureal
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Name: Tyler
Birthday: 3/14/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: I am interested in interesting things that interest me. God is way up there. Family, friends. Marriage is something I'm interested in, heh. Sports, like, football, and hockey are way up there. I'm also interested in food, yeah... I like food. Foods good...
Expertise: Expertise? Hmm, sleeping... I've got that down pat.
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/9/2004
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| Well, FYI, test didn't show anything, so, as sweet as they may
sound, it really sucks, in that, well, we're back to square one with
one test down. I really hope that I don't have to do a lot more
tests. I hope they can just figure out what the hot beef this is
and figure out how to take care of it. Anyway, I'll write a more
in depth log about the fun day before, and the morning of the
test. Got some good stuff, but, I'm lazy, so, it'll have to
wait. :D
K-Dawg
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| Ok, so, I get to go through a wonderful test tomorrow. Yeah,
that'd be a colonoscopy. That's where they stick a tube up that
little outtie hole... The place where things are only sa'pota
exit from. Yeah... TMI, right? Good. Anyway,
good thing about it is that I get to spend the whole day with my
brother today. I have to do a buncha stuff in preparation for the
test tomorrow, like, take ex-lax, and eat nothing but liquidy food,
which, I just got done eating a grilled cheese... Wonder if thats
bad? I honestly don't know.
Anyway, something kinda interesting happened this weekend.
I met a girl online about 4 years ago, named Carolyn. Yeah, well,
she lives near Chicago, and goes to University of Illinois.
Awesome chick. Singer, paino player, song writer, all that
jazz. Really talented girl. Very independant and all
that. Just all around cool. Anyhow, she came and
visited. It was our first time meeting in person, ever. I
have to admit, it was pretty cool. Me, Thoma, Thaddaeus and one
of Thaddaeus's work buddies all drove to Detroit to pick her up at the
Grey Hound station. It was great. The five of us crammed
into Thoma's car and headed back to our place. Cracked me up,
because we were all so loud, and everyone was talking to
everyone. She said she got a kick out of my friends, which was a
relief, considering you can't take those people anywhere. Anyway,
between her and I, we've always kinda had a thing for each other.
But, considering we live six and a half hours away, and hadn't met,
prior to this weekened, it wasn't like we could do anything about
it. So, we met. And Saturday, we kinda talked a
little. She's a very "self involved person", meaning, she has no
time for anything. She told me she calls me the most out her
friend friends... Makes me feel kinda special, but, it's not like
she even calls all that often to begin with. Then she tells me
that seeing me was a type of "closure" for her, in that, we finally
completed what we had always said we would. And, "she won", in
that, she came first. Either way, she's basically cutting me
off. The few times I tried to get a hold of her, via text, or IM,
she's either straight up blown me off, or given me a short, blunt
answer. Kinda depressing, fact being, you know someone for 4
years, dig the person, meet them, things seem to click, minus the last
night, lol, then you're cut off. I dunno. Kinda frustrated,
not gonna lie.
I can't seem to solidify myself in much of anything
anymore. I so deeply want a relationship with someone.
Problem being, which, I dunno if it's a major "problem" so to say, but,
I'm so dang picky. I want the girl that's perfect for me, ya
know? I want the girl that's gonna make me happy, and that I'm
gonna do the same for her.
I was talking to Thaddaeus last night about girls, believe it or
not, and the fact of my "lack of out-going-ness" when it comes to girls
inhibits me from meeting random chicks and possibly hooking up with
them. My ideal state, at this point in time, is to go somewhere
that I can actually have some means of knowing the girl, prior to
asking her out. I'm not the type of guy to end up at some club or
something, dance with a chick, exchange numbers, and actually meet
again. The odds of me calling some girl I got a number from are
like one in a million. I'm just not that, gutsy type. Never
have been. And I'm not shameful of it. I'm content with the
fact that I stick to my little realm. Depressing part of that is,
I'm never gonna meet anyone. Never gonna end up with anyone,
lol. Fact of the matter is, I'm running out of options.
I dunno. Life isn't about girls, this I know. If it
were, I'd have failed at life, miserably. Right now, I know I
need to focus on God... A LOT. I need his guidance big
time. And, if it's in His plan, then I can wait for that. I
mean, if God has it in His plan for me to be with someone, it'll
happen. Only poopy thing about that is I'm SO impatient.
I'm really ready for my life to actually... Begin? lol.
So, I've watched LOTR - Return of the King 3 times in a row
now. Would you consider that a bad thing? Hmm.
Anyway. I do suggest hopping on this thing a little more
often. It's been a little too long since I've written on
this. Ok, so, question. How many friggin' times can you get
chills during a movie? I mean, take for instance, when Aragorn
walks over to the hobbits, and they all four bow their heads, and
Aragorn goes on to say, "My friends... You bow to no one."
Then proceeds to bow, as well as the entire mass there. How
friggin' rediculous is that? So friggin' amazing.
Ok, so, I hate snow, but, man, it's cool lookin'
sometimes. It's 8:15 in the morning, and it's lightly snowing
outside, and there's this thin layer over everything. Looks
pretty cool. And, well, I guess I don't *hate* snow, it's just
that it's here for so friggin' long! And not only is it cold,
but, it's wet too... Now come on. You can't be both cold,
AND wet. What up with that? Anyway, nobody is gonna read
this dang thing. First, because no one knows it's here, and
second, because it is SOOOO long. God loves you and so do
I. Hope your day goes better than mine. I have to go
shopping for Ex-Lax shortly here. How sweet is that?
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| So, I hate the fact that the person I live with, has, some what of the same ambitions as myself. That doesn't help me out very much. It doesn't help me focus on my current situation... I wanna start things over... I wanna change my life. I feel like I screwed things up in my life so much, there's no rectifying it. I dunno... I mean, God's gonna help me through things but, I'm just so dang impatient. I want things to work out, make sense, go the way I want, heh.
I'm so tired. Just, mentally exhausted. Best part is, I dunno why. I haven't done anything to make me feel this way, other than simply stress myself out. I just want life to be simple. I wanna go somewhere where I don't have to worry about things, every waking moment. I mean, the few times that I actually shut my brain down, I'm sleeping.
I wanna go to Europe... I wanna go to Australia too. Ryan's going on a mission trip to Africa, bum... He already got to go to Peru... I'm so jealous. I need to be prepared for a mission trip though, which I'm not. God has to choose the time, not me. I'm not gonna lie though, I want to more than anything. I wanna go somewhere and spread the word of God to people. I have to be more content with myself, and more... close to God. Anyway, things'll work out. For now, the light is at the end of the tunnel, I just need to get there... God bless you in everything you do. | | |
| My brother, is seriously, like, the best brother ever. 10 years ago, I probably would have said he was a jerk, and picked on me a lot, but, I still would have said I love him. That's what's funny about our relationship. The fact of the matter is, I've always loved my brother. I've always wanted to be just like my brother. He's got things so figured out. He's 26, and he's got so much going for him. I'm 19, and I feel like the walls are caving in on me. Personally, I took a bad path from the middle of high school and on. If I could go back and change things, start over from like, the middle of 10th grade, I'd do it, in a heart beat.
I was over at his house today, and I was just looking around. Just, absorbing everything I could. Then I walked into my apartment, and it hit me as to how much I don't measure up to him yet. And I mean, sure, it's no contest, but, he's still the ideal role model, and I can't help wanting to be like him. I mean, every Christian should wanna be like him. My sister used to make fun of me for wanting to be him, but, I never wanted to be him, just, be like him. It's just like aspiring to be someone on TV, only with him, I can learn from him, and what he is, is true, and pure. I love him, and thank God everyday for him. I would give the word for my brother. He's a blessing upon blessings in my life.
Family has always been a number one thing in my life. I'd give, and do anything to keep my family happy, and together. My father was always adament about keeping the family together. Though he never exactly said it, we all knew it. We knew how important it was to him. I feel we all do an adequate job at that. Personally, I can't wait to get married, and have kids, and have family get togethers, like, we never did. I'm always so jealous of people who are like, "yeah... I have to go to my stupid family reunion next week." I would LOVE to be able to do that. I look forward to the day I have children, dozens and dozens of children, so I can show them what family truly is. What love within family truly is. I love my family, and would do anything for them.
"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. "
1 Timothy 5:7-9 | | |
| It's so frustrating, when you think you have everything figured out, and things just fall apart before your eyes. When you think you're happy, when you think you're comfortable, and then the rug just gets ripped out from under your feet; when you just get blind sided. That's how I feel like, ever since I moved into this apartment, constantly being blind sided. I mean, I love my room mate, and would do anything for him, but, I'm not gonna lie, it's not working. I've put some sincere thought into moving out, and think I'm gonna do it. How depressing is that? You look forward to something for so long, and when it happens, you want out. Your health depreciates, your spirituality plummits, your view on life changes entirely. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to suck it up? Am I supposed to feel such pain, and agony, and just, ignore it? I'm tired, I'm lonely, I'm sick, I'm frustrated... And I'm broke, heh. Christmas is just around the bend, and for yet another year, I'm gonna be able to buy but a few useless presents... How depressing. I just, don't know what to do anymore. I know God will provide, but, I'm giving my all to wait for his plan to be revealed, and it just doesn't seem to be cutting it. Anyway, enough pissing and moaning. Hope your day is going better than mine.
"Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore." - Psalm 125:1-2 | | |
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